Photo by Robert Calderon, used by permission through UnSplash
It is my assumption that Christians believe we understand what a disciple of Christ is. We have the greatest examples through scripture, but we struggle to understand the process of spiritual growth that would be consistent with a disciple of Christ. I have spent the last year, by the grace of God, being very absorbed in one-on-one discipling, learning how to become a disciple and disciple maker. My approach to this article is not to provide an exhaustive list of principles, tips, or do’s and don’ts of discipling, but rather to capture the experience of the heart change and perspective change that transpired due to discipleship so that you may see a flesh and blood example.
To provide context into my personal walk with Christ as of January 2025, my perspective on church was built from family, rules, volunteering, with preaching as the main spiritual fuel. The expectation of how to grow as a Christian was to make sure that I was reading the Word, praying often, volunteering weekly, and always taking notes when a sermon was preached. This outlook informed a relationship with God that lacked any depth or intimacy. I obeyed God out of obligation and guilt, I served others in ways that had no depth or lasting effect, and I was not restored, encouraged, or challenged in my faith. I wanted more, but I had no idea how to receive more.
The new path started when a man a few years older than I approached me in my church after a table-top discussion and communicated a desire to get to know me more. This older brother in Christ asked many questions, heard my heart, learned where I was currently investing, and continued wanting to know more. He noticed that I spent much of my energy prioritizing others’ time and providing a listening ear, but wondered where the reciprocation was. The moment I remember best is when he said, “I want to provide that for you” in regard to pouring into others. It is important to recognize that our first meeting was in January, but it took a few months to start to see any tangible change. For example, I am able to look back at my journaling from that time frame, and while scripture was present, it was purely referential and seemingly had no impact on my day-to-day. While the process was mechanical in nature due to the contemplative nature of his approach, the real mechanism of growth was organic. Yes, each meeting followed a series of inquiries, but each question meant to dive deeper into different facets of who I was, more than just what I believed.
Where is God working in your life?
Where are you being restored?
What are the values leading your life?
What are your spiritual gifts?
What areas in your life is God blessing?
Do you understand the attributes of God?
Have you allowed yourself to trust in Him?
I was being stimulated rather than simply challenged and spurred on rather than discouraged. This was beginning to shift my image of God in a way that He became less of a checklist to achieve and finally a Father to listen to. Reading the Bible became a dialogue with God rather than reading inspirational or motivational literature.
From the outset, the intentionality it takes to learn how someone feels loved, cared for, and supported was prioritized. Our Christian community cannot flourish on empty encouragement and friendliness. Words and terms considered “Christianese” (phrases common to the Church often theological in nature) were thoroughly explored and challenged. What did sanctification, discipling, quiet time, and hearing from God really mean? What did Christian fellowship look like? We were going on trips to meet older gentlemen of the faith that were wells of Godly wisdom and there were consistent dinners with like-minded young men where we challenged one another and spoke on where the Lord was leading us. I slowly started to learn that God wanted to form relationships, not just experiences. Then, in October of 25’ we went on an extended trip to a CRU Ministries retreat in Colorado. Christianity was more than just a belief to the people he introduced me to, it was a way of life, and this life was tangible. Scripture was constantly quoted, passages were dissected while we drove from place to place, and their love for God was clear in their love for others all while still supporting personality, humor, and authenticity.
I started to feel tensions in all of the relational avenues in life because of the depth I was experiencing. I was growing aware of the emptiness of my relationships, but I was also growing a realization of the seriousness of God’s call in my life. If Jesus’ command for His disciples in Matthew 28 (reproducing disciples) was universal, what was my place in this? Through all of the aforementioned experiences, I was seeing real, imperfect humans pursue the Lord genuinely. There was no formula or perfect approach; there was only a heart to serve the Lord with the tools He created you with. Was God not going to equip me as He had already been doing the rest of the year? This year was not about seeking perfection or certainty, nor was it about gaining more knowledge. God gave me people, and through them, at the pace of relationship, He formed me slowly, faithfully, and at His pace. That’s the kind of man I want to be and the kind of disciple maker I’m trying to become; intentional, faithful, and walking at God’s pace.